REFERENCE: B AND B 3c-24614
As Head of the Division of Provision for Revision
FILE: INV. FORM A62B-M. Q.
Was a man of prompt decision – Merton Quirk.
Ph.D. in Calisthenics, P. D. Q. in Pathogenics
He has just the proper background for the work.
From the pastoral aroma of Aloma, Oklahoma
With a pittance of a salary in hand
His acceptance had been whetted, even aided and abetted
By emolument that netted some five grand.
So, with energy ecstatic this fanatic left his attic
And hastened on to Washington, D.C.
Where with the vigor of a tracker, he went hunting for the slacker
In the lab'rinth of the W. P. B.
After months of patient process Merton's spicular proboscis
Had unearthed a reprehensible hiatus
In reply by Blair and Blair to his thirteenth questionnaire
In connection with their inventory status.
They had written – “Your directive when effective was defective
In its ultimate objective – and what's more
Neolithic hieroglyphic is, to us, much more specific
Than the drivel you keep dumping at our door.”
This sacrilege discovered, Merton fainted – but recovered
Sufficiently to write, “We are convinced
That sabotage is camouflaged behind perverted persiflage –
Expect me on the 22nd inst.”
But first he sent a checker, then he sent a checker's checker.
Still nothing was disclosed as being wrong.
So a checker's checker's checker came to check the checker's checker
And the process was laborious and long.
Then followed a procession of the follow-up profession
Through the records of the firm of Blair and Blair.
From breakfast until supper some new super-follow-upper
Tore his hair because of Merton's questionnaire.
The file is closed, completed, though our Hero, undefeated
Carries on in some Department as before.
And Victory is in sight, not because of – but in spite
Of Merton's mighty efforts in the War.
— W. S. A.